By: Cindy Joseph
Many women of all ages want to be seen, noticed, flirted with and valued. There’s no age limit to those desires—I feel them and so do many of the women I know. But lots of women believe that we can’t have that kind of attention later in life because of the societal messages we’ve received since birth: As we age we lose value. Only youth is attractive—especially if you’re female.For so many of us, as soon as we spot the first gray hair or fine line, we start the futile battle against time. It is a battle nobody can win---none of us can stop time or the changes that go with it. Life is but a continuous series of changes and transformations. We can spend a lot of energy and money trying to look younger than we are.The question I ask is, “How successful it that process and could it be robbing us of pleasure and joy?" Just think of the precious time we can spend feeling badly about ourselves---for the simple natural process of aging. What would happen if we embraced our aging to the point of celebrating it? We are aging from the moment we are born, so aging is really another word for living!Truthfully, all of the anti-age societal messages are made up. And we all do have the ability to unlearn them and make up something new and more positive, like pro-age! It’s all a process, and through experimentation, I’ve found a lot of great ways to feel more joyful, take more pleasure in myself as I get older, and free myself from all those negative messages.Here are a few great ways I’ve found that have helped me infuse every moment with confidence and vibrancy.
Question any assumptions that make you feel bad about yourself.
We often take negative concepts of aging for granted---we’ve heard these messages so much that they become normalized, and we just think they’re “true.” But negative concepts of aging are man-made i.e. invented by us. So we can change those beliefs. We only make them true by believing them. When you change your mind and practice living according to different points of view, you change what’s true. You don’t have to start out already believing all these positive concepts of aging; it’s a journey to unlearn what society has taught us and to choose a new way of thinking for ourselves. What’s important is to take the first steps on that journey—try it out by questioning any concepts that make you feel bad about yourself or dim your pleasure.
Learn about other cultures’ attitudes toward beauty.
Our culture is just one of thousands all over the world—and many of them have very different ideas about beauty and value in relation to age. All societies have adorned their bodies in one form or another; it’s a natural behavior of our species, whether it takes the form of make-up, tattoos, piercings, scarring, jewelry, apparel, or wrapping, cutting, dying, twisting your hair. But not all cultures use adornment to hide things or to try to slow the natural cycles of life. Many of cultures throughout history have used adornment for ritual, celebration or to accentuate the features one already has.
Take the first step.
Being realistic is one way I have come to feel confident with my age. You can only add to who and what you are. You have more experience, knowledge, self-understanding.Your taste becomes more attuned to who you are. You also know your body better than ever as you age. That can enhance your sensuality by far. It might feel like a leap—since we have been inundated with advertising that tells us if we allow our age to show we will become invisible and undervalued. When I went out on a limb and took the risk of wearing my age openly and proudly, I was astounded at what happened. When we find ourselves perfect, exactly as we are, it changes our persona. That changes how others perceive and react to us. If you take that first step, as you learn to love your age and the new features that go along with it you may find the world around you start to respond to and reinforce that confidence.
Experiment with your makeup routine.
I’ve found that matte, dry and powder-based cosmetics dull my skin’s healthy glow and radiance. It feels like a mask or barrier between me and the world. Try experimenting with what happens when you reveal your skin and let it radiate, by using cosmetics that allow your natural features to show, and nourish your skin rather than hide or cover it up.At BOOM, we are collecting a community of empowered women who support each other in sharing our vulnerabilities, live lives free of societal dictates and live with self-confidence. Please share your thoughts below.
111: How To Be Happy And Vibrant As You Age
“Be Your Own Force of Nature.”Remember Deborah? Our featured model is back, and she’s sharing her 40-year journey to feeling confident, sexy and courageous in her 60s. Video Highlights:
0:11 What is 60?
0:35 A new exercise routine
1:03 What is sexy?
1:49 My lines are my life
2:11 Finding vitality
3:00 BOOM! Cosmetics
3:55 What would you tell your younger self?
4:40 Plan for your future
Deborah Fong. I'm 63, soon to be 64. I think 20s and 30s were fun, I was more bothered by 40 and 50. And 60 is, "I'm here, and let's make the most of it."
I'm using this time to challenge myself, to do things I've never done before. I think, you know, you turn 60 and suddenly people are saying, "Oh, you're 60?" It's almost as if they're expecting you to pull back, and I didn't wanna pull back so I started pole dancing.
Here I am, I'm looking for anexercise to keep healthy, I want to do something that's good for me. And my cousin-in-law's niece is a pole dance instructor and she promised me a free class.
It never happened, so I looked for a studio, and I started and I go five days a week. I think I was a little intimidated. I mean, there are all these poles and you're supposed to climb them, and I just said, "Keep at it." And now I can climb and I can do certain tricks. I'm not inverting but that will come.
Sexy is when you're confident. If you're feeling confident, you're sexy. When you're feeling confident, you look good. When you're feeling confident, you smile more. Being in a group and challenging myself to do something physically difficult, and it is difficult, reaching certain goals, reaching what you want to do, that's fabulous.
And yeah, the whole pole thing is a little sexy, sure. When you're 20, you are sexy, you know, you're lovely, you're young, you're new, everything is a new experience. I think in my 60s, I know what sexy is and I don't have to try at it, I feel it because I know what it is. And I'm confident about my own self in that skin.
My lines are my life. Maybe there are little lines over here, that's because of I've worried, and I've also laughed, and I've cried. And all those other things that I'm doing that I've never done before and that I'm enjoying now, that's more important than the lines.
I make myself feel vital and alive.
I think you have to find your own vitality, you have to find your own truth,you have to find out who you are. You have to be your own force of nature.
Don't go to bed with makeup. Wash your face, put a toner on, put some cream on at night. In the morning, wash your face, put your toner, put your moisturizer on and get the heck out. As easy and simple as it can be.
I didn't wear makeup my whole life because my mother was really strict, and when all my teenage friends were wearing makeup, she said, "No."
And then somewhere in my mid-20s, she looked at me and said, "Why aren't you wearing makeup?" "Because you told me not to." So I went through most of my life without makeup. You know, you do it every once in a while, big occasions, but it's really very basic. As easy and simple as it can be.
I tried the mask last night, and I had a friend over so we both tried it, which was really cool. And we were both walking around with really chocolatey faces, it was kinda cool. Smells really, really good. The consistency was really interesting and it smells like honey and I love honey. And then we took it off. I had a sheen, just looked alive.
And while the mask was on, you felt these little kinda tingles. It didn't hurt, you know, just a little tingly like there was a little massage going on. My skin looked very smooth
And then we took it off. I had a sheen, just looked alive. And while the mask was on, you felt these little kinda tingles. It didn't hurt, you know, just a little tingly like there was a little massage going on. My skin looked very smooth afterward, and supple.
After I did the mask, then I put the Boomsilk on and that too gives you a different type of sheen. And then I tried the color stick. This morning, I even went amongst my friends and I just, kind of, had it on a little bit before I came. And they said, "Yeah, your skin does look more vibrant and it's a little bit more supple."
My younger self was really not as confident or as sure of herself as she should've been, and she certainly should've been.
I would definitely tell her not to be so timid. I would definitely tell her that she should trust her instincts, she should trust who she is, and to take a really good look in the mirror and be happy with what you see.
I was given a lot of freedom to do things but I don't think they really understood where I could've gone with what I had going. I didn't have that type of courage by myself. But I would definitely tell my younger self, "Go for it. Let it all out."
You know, I may retire in a couple of years, so I have to see what I'm going to do. And I've already started laying plans for that as well because that's what you have to do.
110: Deborah’s Story
Meet Deborah: the oldest woman in her pole dancing class. At 63, she is proving to everyone that aging doesn’t have to mean slowing down.
It's almost as if they're expecting you to pull back, and I didn't want to pull back.
So I started pole dancing. Now, I can climb and I can do certain tricks.
I'm not inverting but that will come. All ages, all weights, all sizes, I'm the eldest and I'm known as Aunty D.
Being in a group and challenging myself to do something physically difficult, and it is difficult. And reaching certain goals, reaching what you want to do, that's fabulous.
And yeah, the whole pole thing is alittle sexy, sure. Oh, hell yeah.
109: Meet Deborah
For Amanda, life in her 20s & 30s was stressful. She worried so much about her kids and the way the world was perceiving her.
But at age 40, she feels stronger, more confidentin her body, and she has a whole new theory for what really makes people look attractive. Watch Amanda’s video for her full story!
Video Highlights:0:10 Therapeutic riding horses
0:30 How she got her scar
1:00 Why she now embraces her scar
1:22 "Let's make it beautiful"
1:40 Turning 40
2:15 Being centered
2:40 The worries of your younger years
3:20 New discoveries about herself
4:40 Embracing smile lines
5:44 Amanda's theory on joy
6:20 Embracing life's moments
I'm Amanda Rogers. I'm 43. I was living in the Midwest for five years, and I was taking care of these horses, therapeutic riding horses, and I was helping this young woman start a therapeutic riding center. And so, I got to go horseback riding and it was amazing.
And I was leading this one-horse cowboy out to the barn, and it was hunting season, and he hadn't been out the day before, and someone shot a gun off in the distance.
He reared up, pulled the lead line out, pulled away, kicked me in the eye, broke my lateral orbital bone right there, and I still have the little scar. But it's those scars that make us who we are. And then crushed my arm.
So I had to have this lower forearm fasciotomy, and I had this horrible scar. And you can kind of see that it, like, goes all along. And oh my gosh, I hated this scar.
I would wear long-sleeved shirts. I would hold my arm up against...and I actually saw a video of myself talking to people like this, protecting my scar.
When I became aware of it, I realized, "I don't want. I don't want any part of me to be something that causes me shame." And so, I thought, "Well, I can't do anything about the scar. It's there."
I mean, you can reduce it, but I didn't want to go through that process. And I thought, "Well, let's make it beautiful. Let's take our scars and make them beautiful, right? I mean, it's what we all kind of do on the inside."
So I did it to my outsides. I got this tattoo last summer.
I love being in my 40s. I think I'm surprised a little at how much I love being in my 40s. Like, turning 40 was nothing. I went running with my friend when I was 40 right before her 40th birthday.
And we looked at each other and we were like, "This is 40? This is awesome. We're stronger, we're more centered."
Our friendship had gotten from the place where, you know, you're so focused on your kids and on yourself in your 20s and 30s, and then 40 came and it was like, "Oh, hi. Hi, friends. Hi, rest of the world."
It was just much more centered and easy. It's much easier. It's easier to be 40.
I have so much more gratitude now. Like, I look in the mirror and I think, like, "I have so much joy in my life. I have so many people that I love," and I feel like my face reflects that. As opposed to just really being worried all the time as a younger person.
In my 20s, I feel like I was worried about how people perceived me.
I think the judgment, the level of judgment that I had about my body and about my face and about my role in society kept me kind of locked up in this box of not wanting to appear sexy in case somebody took me up on the offer.
And now that I've come into my 40s, I'm really not worried about that at all, I don't think. I don't think anybody is gonna take me up on anything that I'm not willing to offer.
I think, like, having confidence in your body and discovering that I love to run, not only if someone chases me with a sharp object. I got a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.
And discovering that my body was actually my own and that with practice and discipline I could do, really, anything.
From being this very gangly, sort of just skinny, not strong person. It's like getting guns.
My mother took me aside and said, "Darling, I think we should share a little botox."
And I was like, "Mommy? What?" And I have a scar on my forehead. I have a scar; I fell face-first on the pavement because I was so gangly and tall that I didn't get my hands out and landed on my face.
And so, I had this scar and it was becoming this wrinkle. And I was young; I was 24, 23. And so, my mom wanted me to go and get botox so that my scar wouldn't wrinkle anymore. And we did a couple of times.
We went through a couple of times and it sort of made me look at my face a different way. I was like, "Ooh, something's wrong. Something is wrong with my face."
And then, years went by and I sort of, you know, criticize myself every day as one does looking in the mirror. And I looked and I saw these, the smile lines. And I remember consciously thinking, "I really don't want to get rid of those." I like the lines on my face that are happy lines.
I was actually in San Diego yesterday and I was working behind the camera for one of our company video shoots.
And I told them, I said, "Hey, tomorrow, I'm gonna be doing this fun thing for BOOM Cosmetics." And Michelle, who I worked for, reaches into her purse and pulls out her BOOMSTICK.
And she's like, "Oh my god. I love this. I keep this with me wherever I go." And she's, you know, in her 60s and glowy and fabulous.
I love how easy it is. And I love that, like, the glowy stick, the pinkish-reddish one, it works for everything. Like, you can use it on your lips, you can use it on your cheeks, you can use it...I like to put a little bit here just as kind of a highlight.
I think it makes you look a little bit like you've been out in the sun, which of course nobody would ever do.
I have a theory about joy sneaking out of your face.
Like, every once in a while, you'll look at someone and you'll see something truly authentic about them, and even if they're not the most typically beautiful person, you can see, like, joy sneaking out of their face. And I think that that...it radiates.
And I think, you know, we live through pain and we live through joy, and we absorb all these experiences. And they do, they radiate out of your face.
The people who can embrace the things that happen in life and find happiness and find peace, I think all of those people have beautiful faces.
Whether they're mathematically beautiful faces or beautifully lined faces, you know, beautifully silly faces. I think these are the people I'm attracted to now. Like, just beauty sneaking out of your face.
108: Amanda’s Story
It's About Women, It's about beauty, It's about time
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